I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
