butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
