I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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