good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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