I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
