She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
