awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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