I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
