I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize
