i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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