my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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