8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
