My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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