Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
