I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
