Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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