Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
