Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

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(801): View more from Utah

She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

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(785): View more from Kansas

The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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(626): View more from California

I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.

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(313): View more from Michigan

What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.

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