I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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