Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
