You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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