there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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