im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He has the fingertips of a God
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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