I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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