I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
