i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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