i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
