He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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