Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
