Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He shit in the fireplace
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
