Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
