her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
