I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
