i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
