sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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