god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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