i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
