the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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