remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
