My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Randomize
