Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
