Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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