I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
