just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
