I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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