Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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