She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What a dumb baby whore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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