Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
