it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
