I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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