You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
