I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
