She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
