I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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