I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
