i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
