I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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