I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize