This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
