I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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