Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
