Only a mothe r could love this liver
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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