we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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