He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
