Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize