how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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