I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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