He uses pillows to masturbate.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
