Kiss
Puke
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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